The Insane Ramblings of a Stay Home Mom!

OK SO I GOT UP THIS MORNING AND LOGGED ON TO MY, MY SPACE JOURNAL. STARTED TO SURF THROUGH SOME OLDER BLOG’S AND I CAME ACROSS A POEM THAT I HAD TYPED, AND WELL I REMEMBERED MY HUSBAND USING THE BASICS OF THAT POEM WHILE TALKING TO ME ONCE, AT THE TIME I WAS KINDA SHOCKED BUT I NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO HIM. AND WELL LATELY HE HAS BEEN SAYING THINGS THAT WERE JUST A TAD BIT TOO CLOSE TO WHAT I WAS FEELING AND TYPING IN MY, MY SPACE. SO I GOT A HAIR UP MY BUTT AND TYPED IN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS UNDER THE SEARCH AND GOT NOTHING. AND THEN SOMETHING INSIDE ME JUST KEPT TELLING ME TO CHECK IS OTHER EMAIL ADDRESS THAT HE HAS UNDER HIS MOTHERS ACCOUNT. SO I TYPED IT IN AND THERE IT WAS! IT READ....

ERIC
35
SINGLE
DOES NOT WANT ANY KIDS

I WAS LIKE WTF! FIRST OF ALL I DO NOT HIDE THE FACT THAT I AM MARRIED, I ALSO DO NOT HIDE THE FACT THAT I HAVE 3 KIDS, YES 3 I NEVER NOT COUNT MY STEPSON. I LOVE HIM AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE MY SON TILL THE DAY I DIE.

SO IN RESPONSE I TYPED THIS:

Date: Mar 29, 2007 9:34 AM
Date Sent: 3/29/2007 9:34:00
So, it is funny how you are single and you don't want any kids..... although I know and you know you are married and you have 2 kids of your own and one step daughter.... at least I tell everyone that I am married, at least I don't hide the fact I have 3 kids. and if you ask anyone on my friends list who my husband is they will all say Eric. well if it is single you want you can have it. I will sign the papers any time you so wish it. and please don't bother lying, it wont help. either way you made this account to surf for girls or you made it to spy on my account. you still don't get it, if you wanna know what’s on my, my space or if you wanna read it I have nothing to hide. my, my space is for my thoughts, and whatever else I wish to put up there. now I think it might just be a trust issue, you say you trust me but now I don't believe you. and by the way you have just lost my trust in you. hope your happy.


SO ANYWAYS I WAS IRRITATED BUT I DID NOT GET PISSED. FUNNY HOW IT REALLY ONLY BOTHERED ME THAT HE COULD PUT DOWN HE WANTED NO CHILDREN, I REALLY DIDN’T CARE IF HE PUT SINGLE OR NOT ON IT.

SO HE GOT HOME I IGNORED HIM COMING IN THE HOUSE AND HE ASKED WHY I HADN’T ANSWERED ANY OF HIS PHONE CALLS TO BOTH THE HOME PHONE OR MY CELL. I LOOKED UP AND SAID NOTHING.( I HAVE LEARNED TO NEVER GET ANGRY AND SAY THINGS BECAUSE USUALLY I MADE IT WORSE) SO HE ASKED IF I WAS MAD, I SIMPLY SAID YES AND WENT BACK TO WHAT I WAS DOING. HE THREW SOME STUFF AROUND IN THE KITCHEN THEN SAID DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT FOR? AND I TOLD HIM NO. BUT AS I SAT THERE I FIGURED SHIT IF I DON’T HE’LL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT( NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN, BUT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE) SO I JUST BLERTED IT OUT, AND THEN TOLD HIM TO CHECK HIS EMAIL.

THIS IS WHAT HE TYPED ON HIS MYSPACE, CAME OUT AND THEN WAVED HIS HAND AT ME YELLING HE FIXED IT AND THEN ASKED IF I WAS HAPPY. HAPPY? SHIT! WAS WHAT HE TYPED SO GREAT, HMM YOU READ IT AND SEE IF YOU WERE ME IF YOU WOULD BE HAPPY


THIS WAS TYPED IN THE BOX CONTAINING HIS ABOUT ME:
very very married to a very jealous wife named KITTY Lee. so IF your female don't talk or write too me or I will get put in the shit house again!!!!

SO, INSTEAD OF FIGHTING WITH HIM AND YELLING AND SCREAMING THIS IS WHAT I MSG HIM


FIRST OF ALL IT'S NOT JEALOUSY!

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE IT SAY SINGLE THEN FINE DO IT I DON’T CARE, JUST HAVE THE DECENCY TO WARN ME. TAKE MY NAME OFF OF THE ABOUT ME! YOUR JUST MAKING IT WORSE. FURTHERMORE, I STILL DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE MY SPACE, YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO SET IT UP, THATS YOUR EXCUSE FOR MAKING IT SAY SINGLE AND NOT WANTING ANY KIDS. YOU SHOULD OF ASKED FOR HELP, IF YOU TRULY WANTED IT. AND LOOK YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO FILL IN THE BLANKS WAS THAT SO HARD? YOU DID THIS AT 230 AM AND IT FELT LIKE YOU WERE HIDING IT FROM ME DUE TO THE FACT YOU USED YOUR MOTHERS ACCOUNT AND NOT OURS. YOU WANT FREEDOM FROM ME? BECAUSE I COULD GIVE IT, JEALOUSY? OK WHAT EVER. I STOPPED BEING JEALOUS OF OTHER GIRLS ALONG TIME AGO. YOU DO NOT THINK I KNOW YOU ARE JEALOUS OF (CENSURED)? YOU SAY YOUR NOT BUT YOU ARE, GUESS WHAT.. HE'S NOT THE REASON WE ARE GROWING APART YOU ARE. I HAVE TRIED TO FIX THINGS BETWEEN ME AND YOU AND IT JUST DOESN’T WORK. YOU USE TO HOLD ME AT NIGHT, YOU USE TO KISS ME AND SAY YOU LOVE ME, YOU USE TO HOLD MY HAND AND YOU DON'T ANY MORE. I SLEEP OUT ON THE COUCH ( FOR LIKE THE LAST MONTH OR TWO NOW) BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME AS SLEEPING WITH YOU, COLD AND LONELY. WHEN YOU WANT SEX AND YES I AM CALLING IT THAT BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MAKE LOVE, YOU DON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, YOU KEEP MESSING WITH ME AND YOU DON’T QUIT, SOMETIMES YOU EVEN HURT ME. SO I JUST GIVE IN, I GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT JUST SO YOU WILL GET DONE AND GO AWAY. HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME FEEL?

I FEEL THAT YOU NO LONGER LOVE ME, THAT YOU HAVE NO DESIRE TO BE WITH ME. I AM HERE TO DO THE JOB OF THE HOUSE WIFE AND TO SERVICE YOUR NEEDS WHEN YOU SEE FIT, I KNOW YOU DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY BUT THAT’S HOW I FEEL.

LOL, AND ME NEVER LEAVING YOU OR CHEATING ON YOU BECAUSE "I HAVE IT TOO GOOD" THAT’S A JOKE ERIC, BUYING ME THINGS IS NICE BUT I DON’T WANT THAT I NEED TO FEEL LOVED, I NEED TO FEEL WANTED, DESIRED, YET I FEEL NOTHING LATELY. I FEEL LIKE I AM HERE TO JUST BE HERE. YOU WANT TO THREATEN ME WITH TAKING THE HOUSE, KICKING ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE? OH YEAH I DO BELIEVE THE TERM YOU LOVE TO USE IS “ YOUR HOUSE” LOSING THE " YOU HAVE IT TOO GOOD" WHATEVER THAT IS SUPPOSE TO MEAN, YOU WANT ALL THE JEWELRY BACK YOU WANT EVERYTHING YOU EVER BOUGHT ME BACK, WELL THEN FINE SO BE IT I WILL GLADLY TURN IT OVER TO YOU, I WOULD HATE TO EVER HOLD ANYTHING OVER YOUR HEAD THE WAY YOU HOLD YOUR MONEY OVER MINE. WHICH BY THE WAY YOU KNOW AND I KNOW I HAD THE BIGGER SIDE OF GETTING USE INTO THIS HOUSE. SHIT YOU CAN’T EVEN GET YOUR OWN BANKING ACCOUNT.

YOU TRY TO ACT ALL TOUGH, YOU TRY NOT TO ACT JEALOUS, WELL IF YOU AREN’T JEALOUS THEN YOU WOULDN'T SAY THE THINGS YOU SAY TO ME.

(CENSURED) IS MY FRIEND, AND IT SHOULD’NT MATTER IF HE WAS A GIRL OR A GUY. WEATHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, HE WILL STILL BE MY FRIEND. I ENJOY HIS COMPANY WHEN WE GAME AND WHEN WE ARE JUST TALKING, BUT AT LEAST I DON'T HIDE IT, I TELL YOU EVERYTHING, AND I DON'T KEEP SECRETS. YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN EVERYTHING. I EVEN TOLD YOU THAT I WANTED TO MEET HIM IN NEW YORK, I DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT, I WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT, BECAUSE YOU ARE MY HUSBAND AND I THOUGHT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

I VERY MUCH DOUBT I WILL BE GOING TO NEW YORK, AND I AM AWARE OF THE FACT THAT IT'S A LONG SHOT BUT AT LEAST I HAVE SOMETHING THAT KEEPS MY MIND BUSY AND I TRY TO DREAM ABOUT DOING SOME THING FOR ME. YOUR RIGHT, I DON'T WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME TO NEW YORK, ONLY BECAUSE ONCE IN MY LIFE I WANT TO DO SOMETHING BY MYSELF, FOR MYSELF. I NEVER HAD ALL THE FREEDOM YOU HAVE HAD AND ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME, I WANT TO FORGET ABOUT EVERYDAY THINGS AND JUST ENJOY ONE WEEK OF FREEDOM TO DO WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO, TO SEE WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE. AND I KNOW THAT TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR ME TO DO THIS BY MY SELF. YEAH I KNOW THIS DREAM WILL BE LIKE ALL THE REST, JUST A DREAM. BUT IT IS MY DREAM NOT YOURS!


LOOK, OUR MARRIAGE HAS HIT A RUT, I KNOW THIS AND I HAVE TRIED TO FIX IT BUT I AM JUST TIRED OF TRYING TO FIX A PROBLEM THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS. SOMEWHERE WE GOT OFF TRACK, AND IT'S MORE OF A LIVING ARRANGEMENT THEN ANYTHING. I AM STILL HERE WITH YOU BECAUSE I KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE IT IS MY DEPRESSION THAT IS GETTING THE BEST OF ME, AND I JUST CAN'T TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT YOU DON'T LISTEN. LOVE... I HONESTLY DON’T THINK I LOVE YOU THE WAY I USE TO. BUT YET EVEN THIS CONFUSSES ME. I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYMORE.

I ENJOY TALKING TO (CENSURED) BECAUSE HE GIVES ME A DIFFERENT ASPECT OF WHY I FEEL THE WAY I DO, BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW HIM LIKE I KNOW YOU HE'S EASIER TO TALK TO. HE LISTEN’S AND ALWAYS MAKES ME SEE THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF ALL MY PROBLEMS. HE HELPS ME RESOLVE MY DEPRESSION, HE MAKES ME LAUGH AND HE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. WITH HIM I DON’T HAVE TO BE WHAT EVER HE WANTS ME TO BE I CAN BE MYSELF AND HE WONT JUDGE ME. BECAUSE HE LIKES ME FOR ME. HE IS MY FRIEND AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE MY FRIEND NO MATTER WHAT.

LOOK, I AM SORRY BUT I DO NOT WISH TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW, YOU MAY TYPE TO ME OR WRITE TO ME, BUT JUST DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS. LEAVE IT BE.


BTW IF YOU WANT ME TO SET UP YOUR MY SPACE THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE ME YOUR PASSWORD AND THEN WHEN I AM DONE I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO CHANGE THE PASSWORD SO YOU CAN LOCK ME OUT OF IT AGAIN.

KITTY


LOL SO IN CONCLUSION I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I HAD A VERY INTERESTING DAY, AND NIGHT.

SO FROM THE COUCH I BID YOU ALL GOODNIGHT!

My URL
http://www.myspace.com/violetteardrops

My Blog URL
http://blog.myspace.com/violetteardrops

Random thoughts



Have you ever wondered about what it would be like to start your life over? Not just start at birth, but to start over where ever you wanted in your life line. To change the decisions you've made, good or bad. To make all the wrongs right? To take back things we've done or said that was hurtful? Do we actually have control over which way to go at the crossroads in our lives, or is it our fate and destiny that overcomes are subconscious and makes us choose what is written. Is the grass a greener on the other side? Or is it just our minds that color what our hearts think it should be? Are we meant to go through life and feel pain, heartache, and loneliness? Lately, I feel that no matter how many people are around me, I am still so very alone. The noises of the daily life that I use to love is all but gone. All I hear is silence. Have I become deaf to all that is real? Am I truly blinded by lies, and I cannot see what is really bothering me? What is it that my heart is truly telling me? I can hear it, I don't understand. Am I being punished?



How about our hearts, why were they given the honors, so to speak, of housing all of our feelings? How is it that something so small can hold all that we feel? And how many people can you love and give your heart to before you have no more to give? It is our brain that holds and causes the feelings we all seem to blame the heart for. The brain controls when we laugh, when we cry, it controls everything. And even then, the heart tells us nothing of why? We have to answer each emotion by what we think, and the thinking comes from a brain that is for me always overloaded and tired. How much can a heart take before it is truly broken? Does a heart truly break? Or is that something else that our brain has invented?

believe it or not this is not my typical blog of depressed, morbid thoughts nor will it be about the questions of my mind. Today I am going to vent about my heart. Yes, I have been a little down in some eyes. A little depressed, suicidal (has been a battle for years), morbid thoughts, but I am starting to understand that all of the feelings I have is causing me grief. Yes, I will have to say my heart is breaking. Although I know it is not my heart that is causing all the pain I feel. I feel lost lately. I find myself wandering around aimlessly in my mind, searching. Yet I have no idea what it is that I am looking for. And if I do not know what am I searching for, will I know what it is when I find it? Is there anything for me to find? I feel like running away from everything and everyone. Disappearing from this place and never looking back. I love my kids and I do not regret having them. But there are just days where I wish I could just forget. I want to lay in a meadow full of flowers tall enough to hide me when I lay down next to the river, I want to listen to the water flow, feel the breeze and just cry myself to sleep. I want to slip into a deep slumber, and although I hate to say it I wish I could stay there asleep forever. I want to silence all that my heart cries for, silence all that my mind is trying to tell me. I am the type of person to give my heart freely. To coin the saying, I would give the shirt off my back to someone who needs it. I would also step in front of a bullet to save a life. Not to be a hero, but because I feel my life is not worth anything and that the world would benefit the life of who I would save. I could leave tomorrow and never come back here and know that my family would be ok. That my kids would be ok. That they will know I loved them the best I could and that I openly gave them all that I could offer. But in all honesty I know that if I left I would still feel lost, still feel, be trapped, and my heart will still hurt. How many of you have ever thought about leading a different life? I can honestly say I have. I think about it all the time. Why is it that I want this, that I wish to run away from my family? From my life? I guess, I think it would help put my heart back together. I think it would fix all the broken pieces. The question is how long it will take for all the jigsaw pieces to fall back into place and be whole again? Can it be fixed, or is it truly too late?

Why is my heart broken? Is it all my past loves, heart aches, pains? Is it because someone I gave my heart to has hurt me? Is it my husband?....or is it because I have given everyone I know a piece of my heart, and has had it stepped on more then once? I don't know...

This I do know, I love many people for many reasons. Some I love more then others, some I love and love and never receive the love back, some I love and they love back but not the way I wish them to. I have a hole, a black dark void where my heart should be, yet I have no idea where it went. I have no choice but to sit here and wait. Wait to see if you can truly die of a broken heart.

Ok, so most every knows that I am a Cosmetologist. For those of you that have no idea thats a hairdresser. LOL. Cosmetologist just sounds better. OK, I am at least the fourth generation in my family, but was told there's more that branch out of the line of my fathers side. So it is unclear really where I stand. I am the last one for this line so far. If you read what my sister post then you will know she is not. So this leaves, my daughters and my sisters daughter and my brothers daughters. Which they are all too young to tell right now. $money$ wise? We do not make alot, so it is the love of the art that keeps us in it. Last known to me the statistic's were if 20 people went to beauty school only 15 would make it the first month, and out of that 15 only 10 would graduate, out of that 10 only 6 would pass the test the first try, only 8 would become hair dressers, and only 5 would stay in the field, out of those 5 only one will become a lifer. Now here's where it gets wierd. Most all hair dressers leave and change professions, when they do it almost all of them choose to be in the medical field. DR, Nurses, surgens etc. Now your probably thinking AND..... Well, everyone knows what a barber's sign looks like right? The red and white pole? Usually right outside the door or next to the window, right. So here's why, so I can pin the two things together for you.

Back, way back when. In the time of war, your surgen, was you hair dresser, and your hairdresser was you surgen. Trust me I have no idea why this is but it is. The red an white pole outside a barbers shop, which is still used today, is dated back so far that I am unsure what yr. they started it. ok but N E Ways, the pole was the signiture of the barber/surgen. Scary but here's why. They would hang the blood soaked white towels outside when they were done, or they were thrown on the ground right out side the door. and thats the red and white pole. ok so now that I have grossed you all out I can honestly say, I was told thats true but I have never wanted to research it. This sourse being and older and remembering the past.

BTW! In other news! My sister colored and foiled my hair, yesterday! She did an awsome job, and it is the BOMB DIGGIDY! LOL. last year I decited to grow my hair out, get rid of the color and go natural, to have virgin hair again. lol and if you knew me you'd know I was coloring my hair every month to a new color, you name the color and I had it. So it has been almost a year and a half and I cut all the color out of my hair. I HAD VIRGIN HAIR AGAIN! I decited I wanted it colored and I needed it colored! So, now its back to Jet Black and for a new twist, I have sandy blonde and light brown foils through the top. WAY COOL!

Thanks Sis! You popped my hair cherry! LOL

And now I will shut up! LOL

I FOUND THIS ON MY COMPUTER WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING! I DO NOT REMEMBER TYPING THIS AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I WOULD.

WARNING! SEXUAL CONTENT!

It’s 3 am and I can hear the beating of his wings. He calls to me in my sleep, and awakens me. It was faint but I was sure he said it. “Violet” he says softly again. The sound of his voice was low and seductive, just above a whisper. There is a tingling sensation in my body. I am unsure weather to open my eyes, afraid if I do to find it was only a dream. I can almost feel his arms encircling my body, holding me gently against his chest. I touch his stomach, running my hand up and down his soft velvety skin. As my hand dips lower, I gasp as my hand has found something rigid. The sound of his breathing changes. I stop, hold my breath and wait. His breathing becomes normal again and I let out my breath slowly. Carefully, I begin to place gentle kisses down his stomach. He moans softly. I take him into my mouth and begin to swirl my tongue, and gently suckle the prize that I had just found.

LOL! DAMN! I BE LOVING MY DREAMS LATELY, JUST WISH I WOULD HAVE FINISHED THIS ONE. LOL

Due to lack of time, and feeling to post in both places i am now om my space. i seem to blog there more then here so heres my address if you should ever want to read my most current rants about life. i will always check in here but not always post here, feel free to let me know if you too have myspace and i will be more then happy to desplay you as friends on my space.

My URL
http://www.myspace.com/violetteardrops

My Blog URL
http://blog.myspace.com/violetteardrops

check it out let me know what you all think

This morning something woke me, I opened my eyes and blinked to get things into focus. I carefully slid out of bed, trying not to disturb my daughter and my husband. They look so peaceful, laying there all cuddled together, sleeping. Sleep is sometimes a rare thing for me, although I want it, I can never achieve it. I wrapped a blanked around me tightly and I ventured out doors. I could feel the cold dew covered grass under my bare feet. I crawled up onto my chair and listened to all the different sounds in the darkness of my back yard. I could hear the horses in the field, and the birds just starting to stir. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was so nice to just sit there and just take it all in. I could hear the cars on the nearby street speeding by, I opened my eyes and laid my head back on the chair.

In the distance I noticed a very dim light, and I sighed. As I watched the sunrise I was both sad, that this soon quiet solitude I was enjoying would be over and I felt greatful for each and every breath I took in those few minutes.

Not many people take the time to watch the sunrise and the sunset. We are all to busy. Always running, running to work, running to school, running to get where ever it is that we need to get to. I am one of those people who run and run but never feel like they have reached the ending point. My mind always full of things I need and have to due, from the time I wake up till the time I pass out. I never stop... to breath... to relax. And this felt so good.

I only had one thought in my mind this morning. Who or what woke me? Something woke me, did they want me to be in the darkness... to watch the sunrise? To show me that there will be light soon in all the darkness that I have felt in the past weeks. To show me I must be patient and wait for my personal sunrise.

The kids are all stirring now, and I must go and take care of all my duties.

please help me out I have been wanting to get a new tat and i need for people to help me find the perfect one please send me pisc of fairies that you think i might like ty for your time

DAUGHTRY LYRICS

"Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

I hear the wings of darkness beating in my ears. It surrounds me, cradling me, comforts me. Everything disappears, the only thing left is the eventide. I feel his hands around my waste lifting me up to him. Holding me firmly against him. I lay my head on his chest too tired to struggle. The smoothness of his skin is like satin. I silently plea with him, hoping he can read my thoughts. A tear runs down my cheek, as the darkness engulfs me, slowly draw in my breath out of my lungs. A moan escapes, as I shut my eyes. Suddenly I feel warmth, and a calmness over coming me. His breathing is felt on my neck and then I feel his moist lips on mine. Every muscle in my body tenses up, and I start to tingle all over. My world starts to spiral out of control and I can’t break free. In the voided silence I hear his heart beats growing louder and louder. I start to breath harder and harder, trying to capture what air there is around us. In the very core of my body, I feel my light burning in me turn into a blazing fire. Time stands still, as I lose control of myself and my thoughts. It feels like an eternity has passed, though it was only moments. He slowly lays my body back down on the bed. He looks deep into my eyes, caresses my cheek. And just as fast as he came he was gone, and I was left in the darkness, alone. Waiting.....Wanting more.



Just something I typed up, kinda interesting.
Enjoy!